I apologize in advance if this take falls under the "Sharing Way Too Much Info" category. But I decided if one person reads this -- and identifies with it -- it'll be worth the awkwardness I'm feeling in writing and posting this:
Crazy and I had a falling out about a year and a half ago. Before that, I considered him a very good friend (as board friends go). Four years ago he was in a bad place and I offered him my phone number if he needed someone to talk to. He took me up on my offer and I became a 'listening ear,' helping him through some tough spots he was going through. He told me at the time that he appreciated my support because he didn't want to 'unload' on any of his family members or long-time friends. Stop for a moment and let that statement soak in.
Damn it, there's just something about people (especially men) that causes way too many of us to feel too vulnerable and/or embarrassed to share our feelings with another person. But this is EXACTLY why we have trained counselors and mental health professionals in this country. It's frustrating because the stigma which still surrounds seeing a counselor and addressing unspoken issues is responsible for so much grief in this world.
The past few days I've come to realize why Crazy and I had our falling out. He was deliberately trying to push me away -- and sadly, it worked. I want to be clear here: I have not gotten confirmation regarding how he died Tuesday night -- but my gut is telling me that I know. As SUH pointed out above -- he posted this past Tuesday night (under his sockpuppet GOBIGRAD) -- yet, based on his obituary, we know he passed away shortly afterwards.
Frankly, how it happened is irrelevant at this point. He's left us. The point of this post is if anybody reading this is also struggling and has been reluctant to talk to anyone about what's been troubling you -- screw your macho man BS and do yourself a favor: seek out help. It's only a phone call away. 'nuff said.
